President Joe Biden is forcing your Nana and Meemaw to buy a $90 turkey this year to celebrate the holiday with your hard-ass-working family. There is a problem: Where do we find $90 BIDEN INFLATION turkeys? Jason Chaffetz said his family bought one of these fancy pants turkeys, but I’m not seeing any out there. Where are they, Jason?
“I mean, we went to go buy a turkey today,” Chaffettz’s lyin’ piehole said. “It was $90 for a turkey. The price of stamps is up 32% in the last four years.*”
“But it’s all a choice by Joe Biden,” he added. “That is what Bidenomics is.”
Wrong, sunshine. This is what Bidenomics is:
According to the American Farm Bureau Federation, the average cost of a dinner for 10 people will be $61.17, down 4.5% from last year’s record of $64.05, and gas prices are down, meaning that you can visit Nana and Meemaw in person this year without putting those costs on your credit card. Airfares are down, too, in case you want to fly to Nana’s. Forget Meemaw. She’s mad at Nana for telling her she had to buy Inflation-Turkey. And the family fight is now all Jason Chaffetz’s fault.
Jason lives in Alpine, Utah, so he’s either lying and buying his BidenTurkey there or in Manhattan where everything costs eleventy bazillion dollars. Fran passed this on to me while we were discussing Jason’s stupid lying mouth: A whole turkey at Westside Market in MANHATTAN is $2.49 a pound. So, obviously, the Manhattan gourmet store is twice the national average. And even there, a 16-pound bird is under $40.
Whole Foods here in Raleigh, NC, offers a Classic Roast Whole Turkey Meal for 4 people.
Get a fresh turkey in NYC for $2.69 per pound.
It’s close to Thanksgiving time, so that means that Fox News will unload a truckload of stupid in your face, leaving your jaw dropped to your desk, wondering what the fuck is going on. We’re sure we’ll be back tomorrow with more earth-shattering news that’s totally not a lie.
*Ed. Note: Republicans forced the price increase for stamps. Never, ever forget.
UPDATE: This is what Chaffetz is whining about: A designer turkey brought to New York from Sonora, CA (a tiny town near Yosemite). THIS IS NOT YOUR MEEMAW’S TURKEY.
It’s not Meemaw’s turkey, it’s a WOKE turkey:
Don’t we all yearn for the days of empty grocery store shelves in 2020?
— Chris capper Liebenthal (@Cog_Dis) November 21, 2023